I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
