Me. At least after what I've been through.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
