I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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