how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
