Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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