somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
