Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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