life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So squirting runs in the family.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
