True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
