he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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