we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
