When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
