Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
