She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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