Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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