Don't make out with my wife yet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
