Will you blow on my dice?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
