Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
