Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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