Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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