god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
