It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
