Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
