there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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