Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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