Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
