What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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