Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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