When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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