One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
