I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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