Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
