Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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