in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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