How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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