Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
