Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
