Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
