also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
