you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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