Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
