Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
