She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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