I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
