I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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