guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
