this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
