I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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