my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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