I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to get me chipped asap
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
