WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
