Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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